


Like a River Flows Surely to the Sea

by FivePips



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Andromeda likes to meddle, M/M, Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Rom-com, Romance, widower, will they/won't they
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-15 15:00:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16065575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FivePips/pseuds/FivePips
Summary: Widowed over a year ago, Remus is beginning to live his new life. When he meets his local librarian, he immediately crushes on him. He doesn't realize they would have met no matter what.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ugh so I just posted it and it disappeared so I lost my note. Anyway, someone in Page Turners wrote about how they were widowed over a year ago and their first crush since losing their husband is on the cute local librarian in their new town. It inspired me to write this.
> 
> The title comes from Can't Help Falling in Love With You but specifically Kina Grannis' cover for Crazy Rich Asians. So good. https://youtu.be/GR6L_C0Ii6s

Remus looked at his watch to see how long he had before he needed to pick up Teddy. Thirty minutes and he was only a five minute walk to his school. Luckily, he was also standing in front of a library as he pondered all this. He needed a library card because he hadn’t gone to get one since moving back to London the other month. Which was basically blasphemy for him but he had other things to worry about. Now though, he had the time.

Inside, he navigated his way to the desk, where there was no one for the moment. He looked around, wondering what happened to the librarian but a second later a tall man, just a bit shorter than himself, with long black wavy hair came out from the small room behind the desk. “I hope I didn’t keep you waiting for too long.” The man said quickly. Remus was taken aback for a moment by how handsome he was. His eyes were bright and blue and his jawline was sharp.

“No, just a few seconds.”

“I was so bloody thirsty and Minnie hates us having any beverage out here because one time Benjy spilled his tea all over a rare book.” The librarian snorted.

“Christ, no wonder she doesn’t want drinks out here. I don’t blame her.” Remus smiled, fidgeting a little.

“So, what can I do you for?” The man smiled.

“I wanted a library card.”

“Ah, I can do that. I was hoping for something more complicated but that’s just fine.” The man laughed, taping a few keys on the computer’s keyboard in front of him.

“Sorry, I’m not too difficult of a person.”

“Pity, I love the difficult ones.” He sighed. “Okay, name?”

“Remus Lupin. R-E-M-U-S L-U-P-I-N.”

The man typed but was smiling. He tried to stop it by biting his lip. Remus knew exactly what was coming. It was what normally came when someone who had any type of knowledge of words said when they heard his name. “So, you’re parents really did that?”

“My father taught classics, since retired. My mum writes. She does the Charlotte Knocks books — Hope Howell is her pen name. It’s about the vampires and wolves.” Remus explained, hoping this librarian wouldn’t judge him on his mother’s romantic sci-fi thrillers. He wasn’t the biggest fan of himself of the books because they just weren’t something he generally enjoyed. Though, he was proud of his mum. They were insanely popular.

“Oh, those are my guilty pleasure reads.” The man’s eyes went wide.

“Really? She’s beating a dead bloody horse with those characters.”

“Come on! They’re brilliant. The world she’s created is wonderful.” He waved a hand. “They get checked out a lot. Plus, the audiobook circulation is high too.”

Remus nodded, “I’ll let her know.”

“Tell her that I, Sirius a librarian, love the books and she should never stop writing.”

“Sirius? Huh?” Remus chuckled. Talk about names.

“Your parents don’t get the run on daft names, mate.” Sirius looked back at his computer. “Yours is much better.”

“I don’t know. I’d prefer to be the brightest star in the sky,” Remus said then felt his cheeks pink, realizing that it sounded as if he were flirting. He was definitely not flirting. He hadn’t flirted in ages.

“Yes, but you founded Rome and you’re a werewolf!” Sirius insisted, gesturing wildly with his hands.

Remus just laughed.

“Okay, okay, we should get to this.” Sirius pointed at his computer.

“Right, that might be a good idea.” Remus snickered, looking at his watch.

“Somewhere to be.”

“I have some time. It’s okay.”

“Okay, address.”

They managed to get through the form without too much stopping and chatting. Remus was fairly certain that he had a crush on this librarian. He was hot, funny, and liked Remus’ name. But he wasn’t sure. It had been just over a year since Nym died in an accident and he was given the widower title at the age of 30.

Before the accident, Nym and Remus had lived out in Germany for Nym’s job and their life was wonderful. They married at 23 in London, where they met. That same year they moved out to Germany for Nym’s fancy engineering position at some posh company. Before Teddy was born, Remus went to work as an editor for an English company in Berlin. Five years ago, they had Teddy and their life seemed so full. They had great friends and great careers out in Berlin, but from time to time they talked about moving back to England.

In the week before the accident, they decided they would return home to London and have another kid. Then, all their plans shattered right before Remus’ eyes. Teddy didn’t have a mum. Remus didn’t have his wife best friend. After a few weeks of grieving, Remus decided that he and Teddy would move back to London. He needed the support of his family to be a single dad. He also missed the small comforts he could only find in his home country.

So, as if they needed any more upheaval, Remus packed he and Teddy up and moved back home. At first, they lived with his parents but about three months ago Remus got a new editor position and decided it was time for him and Teddy to move into their own place. That didn’t mean his parents, Nym’s parents, and his old mates weren’t obsessed with the idea of making sure he and Teddy were not alone. Remus never went more than a day without seeing one of them. It was nice but sometimes it drove him completely mad.

In this whole time, Remus never had a crush on another person. He was sure that it was happening now, though. It had been about eight years since he had a crush on someone who wasn’t his wife. Sirius had a lot of great attributes from what he could tell, so the man probably had numerous people crushing on him. Remus thought it was hilarious that his first crush was a bloody librarian. He just couldn’t escape books.

“Okay, here’s your card.” Sirius handed him the plastic after scanning the barcode on the back. “And there’s a key tag there too for your convenience.”

“Thanks.” Remus smiled. “I’ll let you get back to drinking your beverages out of the eyes of your superiors and away from rare books.” Remus pocketed the card.

“You don’t want a tour?” Sirius asked with a bit of a pout.

“I should go, I have to be somewhere in about ten minutes and it takes about five to walk,” Remus explained, to the other man.

“Well, if you ever want to tour, let me know. Plus, you need to check some books out.” Sirius said.

“Tomorrow,” Remus said without even thinking about it.

Sirius grinned from ear to ear. “Excellent, I’ll see you. But if you have a standing appointment at this time, come a bit earlier so you don’t have to rush.”

“Sure.” Remus agreed. “I’ll see you.”

“Tomorrow!”

“Tomorrow.”

Remus left the library to make his way over to Teddy’s primary school. He tried very hard not to think of the handsome and adorable Sirius as he did so. That seemed to be difficult because every sort of thought involved him. He hadn’t thought too much about moving on after Nym. There were other things to take care of and he had mourning to do. He was in a good place now, he was no longer bearing the weight of her loss as heavily as he did for some time. But he wasn’t sure if he could ever find someone again. If he ever wanted to.

“Dad!” Teddy cried as Remus walked through the gates of the school.

“Sorry, love, I was getting a library card.”

“Cool. Can I get one?”

“Yes, but not today. We have to get over to see your Gran and Gramps for dinner.” Remus said ruffling Teddy’s curls.

“All right.” Teddy sighed. He needed not to have a crush on the librarian if he was going to bring Teddy in.

Later that night, when Teddy was all tucked up in bed, Remus called his best mate Dorcas. He needed to talk about his little crush on the librarian. “What’s going on, my darling? You only call me after Teddy’s bedtime when there’s something wrong.”

Remus let out a long sigh, she knew him too well. “Nothing is wrong, per say.”

“So, something nice and juicy you don’t want little ears to hear?”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

“Oh! Did you shag someone? It’s been over a year. Nym would want it.” She chuckled.

“Ha, no. But, I — er… I think I have a crush on someone.”

“Thank fuck, as I said, Nym would want it. She wouldn’t want you moping about forever. I mean, I know you were mourning but it’s about time, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel about it.” Remus complained, putting a hand over his face. “He’s bloody gorgeous and I met him at the library.”

“Didn’t know you had an attraction to books now.” Dorcas quipped. “When’s the first date?”

“Never.” Remus shook his head.

“All right, all right. How are you feeling about this all?”

“I’m — I don’t know. It’s been almost a decade since I was single and—”

“Ready to mingle.”

“Bugger off. I’m not sure what to do about a crush. It’s a crush though, right? I’m supposed to think someone is attractive and nice but I don’t have to do a thing about it.”

“Exactly! Just be a normal human. Are you going to see this person at all in your everyday life?”

“Well, he’s a librarian at a local library.”

Dorcas paused for a moment, “Oh?”

“Yeah, and he invited me back to give me a tour of the place. I didn’t have time because I had to leave to pick up Ted. I didn’t even get a book.”

“Sounds like he likes you back.”

“I’m fairly certain we were flirting. I also feel like a teenager talking like this.” Remus went to reach for his laptop on his bedside table.

“It’s good for the soul,” Dorcas assured him. “Go tomorrow and get the tour. Do some flirting, it doesn’t have to mean anything.”

“Okay.” He wasn’t planning on not going. He did need to pick up some books to read for pleasure. “His name is Sirius, so, if anything we bonded over our daft names.”

“Ah, ah huh.” She said then laughed loudly. “Seriously?”

“It’s like the star.” Remus made sure to point out.

“Yeah, I kn — got that. Fuck, what a great connection.”

“It’s funny if anything. A good story to bring home one day. ‘Oi, remember that time I met a bloke named after a star?’”

“Yeah, we’ll be talking about it forever.” Dorcas agreed.

***

After the phone call, at Dorcas and Marlene’s flat, “Do you come here just to eat our bloody food?” Marlene complained as Dorcas walked back in from taking her phone call in the bedroom. She always wanted to give Remus his privacy when he called.

“Look, Prongs and Lily were busy at some back to school night shite. Effie and Monty are in the Cotswolds. Fab and Gid are god knows where. Andi and Ted are still out traveling so it’s not like I can make family connections with them just yet. They come home next week. I have no one else to bother. You’re the lucky ones.” Sirius talked loudly before shoving a potsticker in his mouth.

Dorcas just watched him for a moment as Marlene rolled her eyes. Remus had a crush on Sirius. Sirius Black. Sirius who was Remus’ dead wife’s fucking cousin. This was just bloody wonderful. She should have said something but Remus seemed so happy. He hadn’t been this happy since before the accident. Plus, how was she supposed to break that news? Andi or Sirius had to. And how on earth did Remus never know about Sirius? Well, the Blacks were all disjointed and broken apart in different places…

“What? Do I have something on my face?” Sirius raised a questioning eyebrow.

“Huh, no, just got off the phone and I was just thinking about it.” She didn’t want to say who she was on the phone with. She and Remus were close but they rarely saw one another since Uni. Dorcas had this whole new life since Remus left for Berlin. He had only even met Marls once since coming back to the London. Now that he was back, she figured he needed some time to readjust. He was readjusting now but she wasn’t sure how to bring him into her friend group.

“Who with?”

“Fleur.” She lied. “Bill’s trying to get her to buy another pet.”

“Their flat’s a zoo as it is.” Sirius said. “She’ll say yes though, I bet. It seems like she likes making him happy. To have a relationship like that, I’d be happy.”

Dorcas nodded, decided she shouldn’t say a word.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sick, so I've been writing in bed between naps.

Sirius wondered if he’d ever see Remus Lupin again after their first meeting. They had flirted for almost twenty straight minutes but at the end, he seemed to get a little… cagey? The man was witty and handsome. Something that didn’t always go together and when it did it could be horribly pretentious but Remus didn’t come off that way. He seemed a little hard around the edges but not too hard. Plus, his mum wrote those wonderfully indulgent Charlotte Knocks books. That had to be some sort of plus to Sirius for one reason or another.

The man with the curly hair, slightly large nose and dimples was just too adorable for him to handle. Sirius was surprised that he didn’t make a complete fool of himself. He never flirted with anyone at any of his jobs before like that, it was strange. There was some connection that was sparked instantaneously. Now he was spending his whole day hoping that Remus would come in so he could show him around the library and suggest some books for him.

Sirius tried his best not to watch the door as the afternoon crept on when he wasn’t working with anyone or completing his endless To Do List. He couldn’t help himself because his eyes kept wandering towards the entrance. Thankfully, he wasn’t disappointed because Remus Lupin came through the door in his casual work clothes with his hands in his pockets and a slight smile tugging on his lips. Sirius was prone to crushes but he felt something different when he saw Remus. It was a very good different.

“So, still wanting to give me a tour then?”

“Absolutely.” Sirius came around the desk. “Come on, let me show you around.” He gestured for Remus to join him as he began to walk.

Sirius explained where all the genres were, where the computers were, and so on. He showed him his favorite spots to tuck away with a book and get away from people for a few moments. Sirius was very professional and appropriate about it all. Okay, yeah, he was slightly flirtatious but so wasn’t Remus. It wasn’t as if he could not flirt back. They volleyed it back and forth as if they were playing tennis.

Sadly, it came to an end far too quickly. “Thanks, for the tour,” Remus said as they came to a stop near fiction. He looked at his watch. “Damn, I have to go. I was really hoping to get some books but…”

“Oh, well, you’ll just have to stop by again.”

Remus laughed, “I guess I’ll have to. I’ll be in tomorrow around the same time so I hope you have some good recommendations.”

“What do you like?”

“Anything that isn’t my mum’s books or like my mum’s books. I’m just not into that particular genre.” Remus said as they began to head towards the front of the library. “Otherwise, surprise me.”

Sirius nodded. “What do you for a living?” He asked out of curiosity.

“I’m an editor for Flourish and Bolts,” Remus explained.

“You are?” Sirius laughed.

“My life is full of books.”

“Yet you read of pleasure.”

“How could I not?” Remus grinned. “My son’s the same way.” He said then he looked like he regretted it.

Sirius was not sure what to say. Remus didn’t have a ring on his finger, so he only assumed the man wasn’t married. He didn’t have to be to have a kid. “How old’s he?”

“Five,” Remus said.

“I apparently have a second cousin who has a kid that’s about five,” Sirius explained. He didn’t want to bring up the fact that that cousin was now dead, sadly. He hadn’t seen Nym for ages. It was long before uni and before he went off to live in Singapore for a few years after getting his degrees. He had not seen Andi in all that time either, Nym’s mum. She and Ted had been traveling since Sirius returned to London two months ago but they were coming back at the end of the week.

“Five is fun. Most of the time.” Remus nodded quickly, looking a bit like a bobblehead. “I need to go pick him up now, actually. Ah, I’ll be by tomorrow if that’s okay.”

“It is a public place,” Sirius chuckled awkwardly. He had no idea what he was supposed to do with himself. “You’re always welcomed. I mean unless you do something terribly indecent.”

Remus shook his head, “I don’t plan on that. So, I’ll be back tomorrow for those books.”

“Great!” Sirius said eagerly, feeling like an idiot. “See you then.”

After watching Remus leave, he headed back behind the desk where Benjy and Em were. “He’s the hot bloke you were going on about yesterday?”

Sirius nodded, “Yes.”

“He is good looking,” Benjy said. “You going to ask him out?”

“I think that I’d put him off, wouldn’t I? You don’t come into the library thinking your librarian is going to chat you up.”

“But you chatted him up today and yesterday and probably tomorrow now,” Em said as she typed away on the computer. “I think if he comes back tomorrow looking specifically for you should ask him for coffee.”

“Yeah, mate, he would probably go to a different branch or come by at a different time if he wasn’t interested.” Benjy encouraged him.

Sirius had no idea what to do. He always assumed that he would never chat anyone up while he was working. It was not professional and just plain creepy. Remus did seem interested, though. He came back again today and flirted right along with him. He promised to come back tomorrow too. Even if he did get all weird when he mentioned his kid.

Maybe the kid thing made it hard to date or something. He was sure that it was difficult to date and have a kid. As long as Remus wasn’t still involved with the other parent, Sirius didn’t care one bit. He liked kids and was sure that Remus wouldn’t be bringing up some monster brat. Plus, he wanted to go out for coffee. He didn’t need to get married.

“We’ll see what happens tomorrow.” Sirius decided. If Remus came back and if he still flirted with him as they talked about books, then he was going to ask him for coffee.

***

On Friday, Remus spent most of his morning texting Dorcas about what to do over this adorable librarian. He had spent all night thinking about the last two days. His crush was like something he had experienced back when he was thirteen on some Rugby player that his dad tutored. Remus remembered feeling completely stupid around the bloke because he was just ridiculously good looking. He remembered how his heart pounded in his chest whenever he was close to him. He remembered laughing far too much. Now he felt the same way with Sirius and he was sure he was laughing far too much around Sirius.

Was it appropriate to have a crush just a year after being widowed? Was there a certain amount of time? Would Nymphadora like this bloke? Did that matter? It mattered because if Nym wouldn’t like him, Teddy wouldn’t. But he had no plans to introduce Sirius to Teddy. He wasn’t even sure he would even go for a drink with the other man, introducing Teddy to anyone was way far off into the future.

 **RL:** Should I go today????

 **DM:** It’s up to you, love

 **RL** : I told him I had a son.

 **DM:** Was he put off?

 **RL** : No, he didn’t seem to care.   
But that’s no matter.

 **DM** : Sounds like a good thing, though.

 **RL** : I guess so. It does not matter.

 **DM** : No, it does.

 **RL** : It would be a long time before   
anyone meets Ted.

 **DM** : I know. But it’s good to have   
someone who doesn’t care that you  
have a kiddo.

 **RL** : I don’t have anyone. I can’t  
date anyone yet.

 **DM** : Then take your time. Do what  
you think is right.

 **RL** : Fuck I don’t know what’s right.

 **DM** : You always know what’s right.

 **RL** : I do?

 **DM** : Of course you do.

Remus was very doubtful about that. He was sure that he had no clue what would be good. In the end, he did decide to go back to the library. Just one more time. He didn’t want to make Sirius think that he was avoiding him or anything of the sort. He could explain to the man that he wasn’t interested in dating. But maybe Sirius wasn’t interested in him anyway? Maybe Remus was taking kindness of someone outside of his family and a small group of friends as flirting.

Once in the library, Remus’ eyes went straight to the desk. Sirius was there helping check someone out and there was a brunette woman about their age behind the desk as well. The brunette woman gave Sirius an obvious elbow jab to the ribs then her eyes traveled over to Remus. Sirius followed her eye line the blushed. Oh, god, other people were thinking the same things, weren’t they? Sirius did fancy him to it seemed. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“He’ll be with you in a second.” The brunette said with a cat like grin.

Remus nodded, hovering awkwardly. He should have left and just gone to a different branch of the library. But this one was so convenient. Why did he have to fuck things up with a stupid crush? He was a thirty year old man with a child and had been married to his wonderful wife for eight. He should not be having crushes like a teenager. Right?

“All right, Remus?” Sirius asked. His long, black hair was tied back into an artfully messy bun today.

“All right, you?”

“Great, so, I have some books for you. You only told me nothing like your mum’s books. So, I have a few.” Sirius nodded. “This way.” Sirius nodded for Remus to follow.

Sirius chattered away about how he choose the books (he had endless lists of his loves, TBR, hates, and what was in high circulation these days so he went through and tried to decide on what Remus might like from that). In the end, Remus ended up with The Kiss Quotient, Beartown, and What If It’s Us. “I haven’t read these.”

“Good, now you will. Beartown has a sequel. I think it’s out already but I haven’t seen it on our shelves yet.” Sirius grinned, continuing to walk. “I also thought of a couple of books for your kid.”

Remus couldn’t help his smile for Sirius thinking of Teddy. “He’ll be delighted. He’s been angry that I’ve been at the library without him.”

“So, books run in the family?”

“It seems so.” Remus chuckled as they got to the kids’ section of the library. “He’s already declared he’s going to be a writer or editor or professor. Swottiness does run in the family. I’m still hoping he’d be more like… more like his mum and be an engineer.”

Sirius nodded, seeming as if he was unsure to say but he quickly turned his attention to the shelf in front of him. He leaned down and snatched up the book with a beautifully illustrated cover of a man over a city in a crown. The colors made Remus want it to be the dead of winter so he could curl up with the book in a million blankets with Teddy. “Over the Hills and Far Away,” Remus read.

“It’s 150 nursery rhymes, new and old but the best thing is that 77 different artists illustrate it from around the world. It’s a bit like a cultural exchange. It’s beautiful too.” Sirius handed Remus the book. “And this one,” He pulled another off the shelf opposite, “Actual Size, is about the actual size of animals. It’s pretty neat and the illustrations are awesome.”

“Great, he’ll love these. I might too.” Remus added the book to his pile.

“I think you’re good with books for a bit.”

“Yes, I’m all right for at least a week.” He smiled. “Thanks.”

“No worries.” Sirius scratched behind his ear. “Er, do you… would you maybe fancy a coffee or tea tomorrow?”

Remus felt his heart begin to race. This was what he was frightened of. He really couldn’t do this. He wasn’t ready. He couldn’t date someone, could he? Especially his beautiful librarian. How could someone like Sirius, want Remus? He was probably a happy person who didn’t need to date a widower with a five year old. He was probably still going out every other night.

“Sirius, ah, I’m sorry if I’ve… I never meant to lead you on.” Remus looked down at the stack of books in his hands.

“Oh, shite, I should have never asked. I’m an idiot.” Sirius put a hand over his face.

“No, really, I would but things are — things are, er, complicated for me. If it were some other time.”

“Right.”

“Sirius, you’re — you’re bloody hot and smart and funny. I would date you in a heartbeat if things were different. I hate to be cliche but it is me, not you.” Remus never thought he’d say those words but he was not sure what he could say to Sirius to make it feel any better.

“No, it’s okay. Maybe some other time, then? Maybe when things are better for you.”

Remus nodded. He wasn’t sure how long that would be. If it would ever be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: Sirius had dinner with Andi and Ted and discovers who Remus is.


	3. Chapter 3

Sirius whistled as he took his helmet off after parking in front of Andi and Ted’s place. He hadn’t seen the two in a very long time. He was probably about 10, right around when he went off to boarding school for the first time. Andi was always his favorite cousin. She was older and rebellious. She had a kid his age, Nymphadora, who Sirius got on with at family functions. His parents disliked her choice in a husband — a black man who was below the elite social rank— heaven forbid. Andi had it out with the family for one reason or another and Sirius didn’t see her after that.

When he was 18, Sirius was out of touch with his family and studying Library Science in the states. He decided to reach out to Andi and they talked quite a bit over the phone and texting when they could. She wasn’t on Facebook, and neither was Nym so he couldn’t stalk their lives that way. He kept in touch with her sporadically as the years went on. Eventually, Sirius moved to Singapore to help Reg deal with the family business and work over there for a few years. Life got in the way and they fell out of touch once more.

After hearing that Nym passed away over a year ago now, Sirius felt terrible. He was never too sure what to say to Andi about it. How can anyone have the words for someone who lost their only child? They had barely even spoken recently, not for anything but that was just how it was. Along with Regulus, he sent some nice flowers but they didn’t go to the funeral.

Two months ago, Sirius moved back to London after spending the last twelve years missing it. He missed the Potters and Marlene and everyone else that was in it. It felt like he belonged there, he didn’t belong in Boston or Singapore or Hong Kong or Paris. He belonged in London. So, he packed up and went home and so far everyone had welcomed him back with open arms. James did give him a bit of a whack over the head for being gone so long but he was happy to be back.

Unfortunately, in that time, Ted and Andi had been traveling the continent. He wished they were there right away but they were back now. Sirius was so excited to see them. Yes, he was a little bit nervous because it’s been so long but Andi was the only family — aside from Reggie and Al — that he loved.

“Sirius! A sight for sore eyes. Look at you! Your hair is so long now.” Andi called from the doorway as Sirius walked up the gravel walkway. Andi’s hair was grey now but still long and she wore in a plait down her back. Even though she looked older than the last time he had seen her, she had aged very gracefully.

“Andi, I’ve missed you so much.” He grinned as she wrapped him in a tight hug.

“Now, if Regulus could just get his arse over here then all the good living Blacks would be in one place.”

“He loves running the business for some barmy reason.” Sirius snorted a laugh as she pulled back.

“Truly a Black then it seems.” Andi rolled her eyes. “How terrible for him.”

“Eh, you’re some fancy barrister, aren’t you? That’s a good thing for the Blacks, I would think.”

“Yes.” She said as she escorted him into the house. “It’s different.”

“Right, Reggie’s in the family business.” He nodded in understanding. Sirius was sure the only reason that Regulus wanted to run the business was that he was able to do it on his own terms. He was able to take a thing that the Blacks had turned into something mean and powerful, into something charitable and soft. Sirius did love that even if he wasn’t interested in helping him get it to that point one bit. “Anyway, I’m so happy that you’re here and I’m here. He’ll visit when he has the time or he’s on business.”

“Me too.” She said as they walked into the living room. “When Reggie does come then we’ll have a big dinner party.”

After a few seconds of silence, Sirius said, “I’m sorry about Nymphadora. I’m not sure what else to say or what’s proper to ask. But I’m sorry.”

“Thank you, Sirius. It’s — it’s getting better. I miss her all the bloody time but it hurts a little less each day. At first, it didn’t feel like I would ever be okay again. But I think it was just the feeling of never being the same again. Thankfully I have Ted and everyone around here. The Potters have been a brilliant help.”

“Good and of course they are. Effie loves taking care of everyone.” Sirius said, his eye-catching a photo of an older Nym with bright pink hair and — no… that couldn’t be. “Remus?” He picked the picture up, gaping at it. Remus’ long arms were wound around Nym, who was holding a baby who had to be theirs. He was smiling in a way that wrinkled the corners of eyes and deepened his dimples. He looked so happy, making Sirius realize that Remus wasn’t that happy at the moment.

Andi furrowed her brow, “You know Remus? That’s Nym’s husband.”

“He… shite.” Sirius swore as Ted came into the room. He felt his chest do something weird. Why was he panicking over this?

“Sirius, it’s been awhile,” Ted said, coming over to give him a pat on the shoulder as Sirius looked at the photograph.

Sirius should have turned around and greeted him properly. He was so caught up in the fact that the man he had been chatting up was technically related to him. God, he was a fucking Black. “Yeah, ah you too Ted. I’m sorry, but this is Remus Lupin.” He said dumbly, holding up the frame.

“Yes…” Andi frowned.

“And this is who Nymphadora was married to?” He knew that Andi had already said that but he needed the confirmation once again.

“Yeah, he’s raising Teddy here in London now. He didn’t want to stay out in Berlin any longer. I think he might live and work close to your library if I have the area right.” Ted nodded.

“He does. I mean, I’m sorry but this is strange and I’m not sure what to say.” What the hell was he supposed to say about this? This was something that was not covered in his past dating life. This was not something that was normal or usual in general. He felt like an idiot.

“How about you tell us what’s going on and why you’re acting weird?” Ted looked at him with curiosity. “Whatever it is, you’re certainly a rather rattled.”

“So, last week he came into the library and we were flirting. Oh god, I’m sorry.” He put his free hand over his face.

Andi and Ted both looked at each other then laughed. “You’re why Remus was so strange when we had dinner? He was asking us what Nym would think of him dating again. He said it was nothing but clearly it was something. And it’s all over you?”

“Christ, it — he came in three days in a row to the library and there was a lot of flirting. I asked him out for tea last Friday but he got all strange and put off. He gave me the ‘it’s not me it’s you’ line then I haven’t seen him since. I didn’t know he was widowed! I especially didn’t think that it was my bloody cousin who he was married to.”

“Nym would love this. She’d think it was freaking hilarious.” Andi commented with a big smile.

“I can’t believe I hit on my cousin’s widowed husband. This is right up there with the worst thing I’ve done.” Sirius set the photo down. “I’m probably going to hell.”

“It’s not as if either of you knew. If Remus knew who you were the conversation would have been different and you obviously had no idea. Don’t worry about this.” Andi put an arm around him.

Sirius was worried though because even knowing this information. He still wanted to know Remus more. He wanted to go on dates with him and get to know the sprog and snuggle up on the sofa watching telly or reading a book. He should have been immediately put off. He should have felt no interest in seeing Remus romantically. Except it was still there. He hated himself. Nym would probably hate him too. He wasn’t sure how Andi and Ted were taking the situation so lightly.

“Come on, Sirius, it’s not that big of a deal.” Andi walked him into the kitchen.

“It seems like it is.”

“Let’s move on, tell us all about your swotty life now. I never thought you’d end up being a librarian.”

Sirius laughed at that. Everyone seemed to have the same opinion of him and his career. Just because he used to be rebellious and he was good looking, didn’t mean he was stupid and brainless. He was very smart, thank you very much. He was always top of his class everywhere he went. He loved reading, books, knowledge, and anything about learning. Plus librarians were basically rebels in their own right. It was the perfect fit for him.

Dinner went well and they talked all about Sirius’ life since he left the UK. Andi and Ted asked him a million questions about him and Regulus. The whole while he was wondering what they were thinking about him hitting on Remus. He knew this was a bad idea to start with — him chatting up a patron.

“So, Teddy, he’s okay?” Sirius asked after they had been discussing Nymphadora’s accident.

“He’s five. He didn’t understand it. He knows his mum’s not coming back and it was hard for a while. Remus brought him to a counselor but it’s not something he does all the time.” Andi explained.

“Remus is more worried he’s going to forget his mum. But we won’t let that happen.” Ted said with a watery smile.

“I’m sorry about it all.”

“Nym would tell you to shut up with the sorries.” Andi shook her head. “I like to think about what’d she say or how’d she’d act about certain things. She was strong. Like you but in different ways. You had to be strong, but she just was.”

“I remember she was a stubborn thing.” Sirius snickered.

“She wouldn’t want you sitting around feeling sorry for her. Or sorry that you have a crush on Remus.”

“This will never die, will it?” Sirius groaned.

“Don’t plan on it. You do realize that Remus will be showing up to various family dos. He’s best mates with Dorcas Meadows. I know you get on with Marlene.”

Sirius’ eyes widened. “He is? Damnit. I can’t believe this.”

Sirius was screwed. What had he ever done in his life to deserve this?

  
***

Andi sat next to Ted on the settee with a long sigh. “So, Sirius is chatting up Remus.” She laughed, reaching for the remote to the telly.

“You always said Nym and Sirius were a lot alike.” Ted scoffed as his wife turned on the TV.

“Never thought they’d attract the same actual person. I rather like the idea, though.”

“You do?” He asked, surprised.

“Look, Sirius had a hard life growing up. His family was terrible but he’s made himself happy it seems. I know that he went through some rough patches at uni here and there but he’s a good man.”

“I know, you were always proud of him when he would give you an update on his life.”

“Sirius is a good person. A nice person, a sweet one. I hate that Nymphadora isn’t around but if I had to hand pick someone to be with Remus and raise Teddy…”

“It’d be him?”

“Yes. I feel like that’s a horrid thing to say.” She sighed, setting the remote down. “Does that make me a bad person?”

“No.” Ted shrugged. “I doubt either of those men would agree with you though. You saw how Sirius reacted to the whole thing. When we tell Remus about it, he’s going to panic because that’s what Remus would do about something like this lovely dilemma. That’s what he’s going to do.”

“I know,” Andi said. She wasn’t sure if how she was feeling about the situation was the proper way to feel. She wanted Remus to be happy and Teddy to have a nice little family to grow up in. She also knew that Nym would love the new person in Remus’ life to be someone like Sirius. They needed to work it out.


	4. Chapter 4

Andi opened her door and after Teddy wrapped his arms around her legs to say hi, he took off inside to find his grandad. They were in the middle of building a train set, which Teddy was now obsessed with. Remus laughed as he watched his son go off into the house.

“Well, I’m of no need to him,” Andi said with a big grin.

“I haven’t heard the end to the train set since last week,” Remus said. He and the Tonks had a standing tradition of lunch on Sundays, or dinner if there were plans earlier in the day. This tradition they had established on his return was interrupted by Andi and Ted’s travel over the last few months. Last Sunday he had stopped by and now they were back in the grove of it.

“Ted’s been just as excited about it.” She shook her head. “That’s what happens when you retire.”

“You wouldn’t know.”

“I’m not retiring for a bit. That break was more than enough for me. I’m ready to get back to work.” She smiled as Remus came inside. Andi loved her job and Remus was sure she was going to be in the courts until she was in her nineties. “Would you like a cup of tea before the food is done?”

“Ah, sure.” Remus furrowed his brow. Andi only offered tea when she wanted to talk about something. “What’s going on?”

“You know me too well for a son in law who lived abroad for ages.”

Sure, they didn’t know each other too well before he and Dora left for Berlin but since coming home, the Tonks knew him just as well as his parents. He could also say the same about him knowing them. “I’m a quick learner.” He snickered as they went into the kitchen. “So, something is going on?” Remus implored.

“Yes, and I know you’re going to be, er, weird about it.” She frowned.

Remus watched Andi fill the electric blue kettle. “I’m not sure what it is so I can’t promise that.”

“Do you remember mentioning I had a cousin who lived in Singapore?”

“Yeah.” Remus nodded, leaning against the counter as Andi took out two cups.

“His — he came over Friday.” She stumbled a little over her words.

“That’s nice,” Remus said kindly, not too sure where she was going with her statement.

“His name is Sirius,” Andi spoke slowly and looked at Remus expectantly.

Remus’ eyes went wide, “Sirius isn’t a common name.” His heart was starting to pound in his chest a bit too hard.

“No, darling. If it’s any consolation, he had the same look on his face when he saw your picture in the living room.” She chuckled then bit her lip. It was the same thing Dora used to do when she would laugh when Remus was annoyed or angry.

So, Remus was not only crushing on someone after his wife’s death. But he had a crush on one of her fucking relatives? This was just great. Something like this would only happen to him. “How did neither of us know?”

Remus’ mind was reeling with this information. He was trying to pull any sort of memory he had of Dora talking about Sirius out of there but nothing came. The only thing he could think of was her mentioning once that she had a relative who lived in Singapore the other year when they were talking about maybe traveling there on holiday.

“Nym and Sirius didn’t speak after the age of ten,” Andi explained to Remus. “I finally had enough of my family treating Ted and Nym like shite, I cut off all ties. Sadly, that included Sirius as well. He was only a boy when it happened and under his parent’s thumb. We occasionally were in touch after he went off to Uni in The States but not often enough. But now he’s back, I was planning on rebuilding that relationship.”

“He’s not like the rest?” Remus knew how cruel that Blacks could be. Even the families that were married into the family tree. Andi managed not to be terrible, as did her Uncle Al, and it seemed like Sirius as well.

“You tell me? You spent a few hours the other week flirting with him before you shut him down.” Andi laughed rummaging in her tea drawer.

Remus flushed a deep scarlet, “Fucking — I’m sorry. This is a disaster.”

“I don’t think it is.” Her light tone took him by surprise.

“How is it not?”

“Sirius is nothing like the rest of the Blacks. He got himself thrown out by his parents at 16. The Potters looked after him after that. They were looking after him before that, I’m sure.” She sighed. “He’s a good person, a lovely person. He’s smart and has made his own way very nicely.”

Remus didn’t miss the fact that it sounded like Andi was talking the man up to him. “That’s all well and good, but Andi, I was chatting up my dead wife’s cousin.”

“Second cousin, I believe. Or is it first cousin once removed? I was never really good at that family tree stuff.” She scrunched up her nose.

“You’re not appalled by this like I am?” He gaped at her. This was completely mortifying for him. This was probably the last person that he would want to date.

“Should I be? Did you shag him? Sirius said you turned him down for coffee or tea, so I’m assuming it didn’t get that far.” Andi laughed, plopping two teas bags into their respective cups.

“No! God, no it didn’t. I couldn’t even bring myself to go on a little tiny date with him. That was before I knew he was Nym’s cousin.” He put a hand over his face.

“You know she’d find this hilarious, right?” Andi smiled softly. “She’d love it. I think she’d approve.”

That thought turned Remus’ stomach. He was pondering since Sirius asked him out over a week ago if Nym would like Sirius. He never wanted to leave her before, they had a great relationship and Remus thought they were forever. They weren’t forever as it turned out. Now Remus was left with this hole in his heart and he was unsure if he could ever really fix it.

“Remus, I don’t want you to be upset about this,” Andi said as the kettle whistled. “I want you to be happy and I know you’ve been working on that. Lately, you’ve seemed so much happier. Don’t let this information stop you from that.”

“I have been,” Remus said with a quick nod. “This is just a whole new aspect of being widowed. It hurts less to not have her around me every day. But now that I’ve had my first interest in someone since she’s passed and it’s— it’s strange. Even before I found out who Sirius was. I wanted to go get coffee with him and I wanted to see him again. I hoped I’d see him when I went in to return a few books with Teddy yesterday and was even disappointed that he wasn’t there. But now…”

“Oh, Remus, it’s okay if you want to go on a date with him.”

“I’m not sure if it is.” He sighed, watching Andi fill each cup carefully, the steam stirring around the water.

“Sirius basically said the same thing.”

Remus took the offered cup and sat down at the table, still trying to process this information. If Sirius knew the Potters, then he probably knew just about everyone else Remus had some vague connection to in Greater London. “Does he know Dorcas or Marlene?”

“Oh, I think he and Marlene used to best mates when they attended Hogwarts together.”

Remus groaned, so Dorcas knew him too. That meant Dorcas was encouraging him with the full knowledge of who Sirius was the entire time. “I’m going to kill Dorcas.”

“Please don’t. I’d rather not raise my grandson.” Andi scoffed. “And I’d rather not represent you in that case.”

“I won’t kill her. Maybe shout at her a little.”

Remus put his head on the table and sighed. This was not good. How was this his life? This had to be some terrible cruel joke that the world was playing on him.

***

After lunch, Remus left Teddy with Andi and Ted in order to pay Dorcas a visit. He wanted to have it out with someone and Dorcas was the only logical person to have a row with. Remus needed some time to clear his head about everything that he had learned as well.

Rowing with Dorcas was not going to solve his problems but it was going to make him feel just a little better. He wasn’t going to be mad at her for long but she did withhold information from him that was important. Marlene opened the door and looked completely surprised. “I thought you were having lunch with the Tonks.”

“I was but then I found something out that I need to shout at your wife about for a few minutes.”

Marlene laughed loudly. “Ah, you found out about Sirius.”

“Yes.” He glared. “You knew?”

“I only found out yesterday when we got drinks and he was telling us how he was a terrible person.” Marlene stepped aside to let Remus in. “I had no idea that Dorcas knew about this but didn’t say a word. I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault.” He said, walking into the living room to see Dorcas sitting on the end of the sofa biting her lip. “Your fault.”

“I know! I know! Look, I wanted you to get to know him without any of this other stuff. You should have heard yourself! You were smitten! You’ve been smitten, even if you avoided him all week.”

“Dorcas, I can’t — he’s Dora’s cousin!” Remus groaned. “Of all the bloody people on this planet, I end up with a bleeding Black as my first love interest since her passing. And on top of it, you knew! You could have saved me—”

“Remus Lupin, you were already falling for him before you said his name to me.” Dorcas interrupted him, standing up. “I wanted to let you fall. You were so happy.”

“How could you let me fall for him, though?” Remus pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Because I know what’s good for you. You do too but you're just scared right now.” Dorcas came over and hugged him. “So, you don’t want to date him. That’s fine. But I think you need to talk to him. Get tea or coffee and talk. Talk about Nym, talk about what his life is like, talk about both of your journeys. You both have gone abroad and come home. You have a lot in common.”

“Dorcas is right,” Marlene said as Dorcas let go of him.

Remus hated that they were probably right. He was still mad are Dorcas though.

***

After talking a little longer at Dorcas and Marlene, he picked Teddy up from his grandparent’s house. He was still panicking about his feelings for Sirius. They should have melted away after finding out who Sirius was to him — to Nym. Andi and Ted seemed to enjoy the idea. Dorcas and Marlene too but those feelings didn’t give him any solace.

“Teddy, do you miss mum?” Remus asked quietly as they rode the tube back home. There weren’t many people in their car. He always enjoyed his rides home on The Tube with his son. Teddy liked to be nosey and watch all the people. Remus liked to watch him watch all the people.

“Yeah, all the time.” Teddy pouted, looking out the window as they left a station. “I know you do too Daddy.”

“I do.” He smiled sadly. Remus wished his son didn’t know that in some ways. Not that he didn’t want to miss Nym but he hoped he wasn’t so sad about her death any longer.

“At school, Maizy had a daddy who died when she was a baby,” Teddy explained with a thoughtful look on his face.

“Oh, that’s too bad.” Remus, even though he was widowed himself, was never sure what to say. Whenever people gave him platitudes, they seemed mostly empty even if they were sincere. There was not much you could say to make the situation better or brighter.

“But her mummy met another daddy and they all live together now.” Teddy clasped his hands together as if to show they were a family unit now. ”She still loves her first daddy too.”

“Oh.” Remus nodded.

“Are you going to meet another mummy?” Teddy questioned innocently.

“Well, I don’t think another mummy exists.” Remus shook his head. There was no one on earth who was close to Nymphadora Tonks. She was a spitfire who’s was completely brilliant and adventurous even if she was a bit of a klutz. She loved fiercely and lived freely without any worry.

“Then maybe a daddy?” Teddy’s brow furrowed.

“I — ah — well, I don’t think anyone can be like mummy.”

“They don’t have to like mummy. As long as they’re nice.”

“Oh, okay.” Remus laughed.

“And by me sweets and let me have ice cream for dinner.”

“Ha, this is a great list of requirements for a dad or mum.”

“You won’t let me,” Teddy complained.

“You’re allowed sweets and ice cream. Just not for dinner.” Remus shook his head.

Teddy’s bottom lip went out in a pout once more. “They’d take me to the library every day.”

Remus wanted to groan but held it back. “I’ll take you Thursday afternoon.”

“Promise?”

“Promise,” Remus assured his son. “Right after school.”

Remus wasn’t sure what he wanted to do about Teddy meeting Sirius but he needed to show everyone involved that it was okay. He couldn’t be odd around Sirius forever. They were going to see one another from time to time. He also really enjoyed the library and it was so bloody convenient for him and his son. He had to move on.


	5. Chapter 5

Sirius was reshelving some books in the children’s section of the library. It was his favorite spot in the library because there was colorful seating and large windows that looked out over the currently rain-soaked streets. Fall on its way and soon enough the air would turn cold and crisp. Sirius loved the late fall and early winter. Before things got too grey and melancholy. Today was a nice little preview of the weather to come.

It was also a good day to be in the library, he thought. He wished that he could just sit down in a corner with a book and just read but he did have to work. One day he would own his own shop and get to do as he pleased. Not yet though, he had a bit more planning to do. At least he wasn’t stuck in some office doing some terrible job that he hated.

“Oh, Sirius, hi.”

Nearly jumping out of his skin, he turned around to find Remus standing there in a wet raincoat and at his side, his son wearing green wellies that matched his own coat. “Hi Remus, ah and you must be Teddy,” Sirius said to the little one. He looked a lot like Remus. He could have been a clone but Sirius could see the Black in him as well with his blue eyes. He didn’t see much of the Tonks in him though.

“I am. Who are you?” The boy looked at him quizzically.

Sirius was not sure how to answer that question Remus’ mini. Thankfully, Remus stepped in, “Sirius. He knew mum.” Remus supplied simply. So, he knew too now it seemed. Great. It was only a matter of time.

“Oh!” Teddy tugged on Remus’ hand, looking at the books in front of him. “Daaaadddd.” The boy pointed to the shelves.

“Go ahead.” Remus laughed and Teddy took off to look through the shelves. “Sorry, I hope you’re not—”

“No, no, it’s a public—”

“So, you’re Nym’s cousin?” Remus made a face that Sirius couldn’t exactly categorize the emotion. It looked somewhat pained, embarrassed, and stressed.

“I didn’t know.” Sirius defended himself. He wasn’t sure why. He didn’t do anything wrong and neither did Remus.

“I know. Andi told me all about how you were gawking at my photo in their living room. Has she told you that I nearly had a panic attack?” Remus scrunched up his nose.

“Ah, no, actually. I’m having dinner with her and Ted tonight, so I’m sure that it’ll come up.” Sirius said as Remus glanced over to his son, who was now bringing a book over to read in one of the puffy yellow reading chairs. “I’m glad that I didn’t scare you off.”

“I’m not scared. I’m cautious.” Remus bit his lip. “I was cautious when I turned you down too.”

“Glad you did now?” Sirius asked the taller man, trying not to frown. He hated that he was so disappointed.

Remus just shrugged a shoulder. “I’ll take you up on that coffee or tea if you’d like. Not as a date. I think we should get to know one another.”

“Of course.” Sirius did his best not to sound too eager. “It would be better than to act all awkward in front of our friends and family at some inevitable event or lunch or dinner.”

“Very true.” Remus laughed. “Are you free Saturday afternoon? Teddy has a playdate over the Weasleys with Billy and Fleur’s little one. Molly needs a constant rotation of children from what I understand.”

“Yes, she does. Harry, James Potter’s son, er I think you know him… he hangs out with Ron and Ginny, the younger Weasleys. He’s always over there. I don’t know how she keeps her sanity.”

“Me either. One is more than enough for me.” Remus said then looked a bit sad.

“So, Saturday. Do we want to say two?” Sirius questioned, getting back on the topic.

“That should be good.” Remus nodded, taking out his phone. “Let me just make a note or I’ll forget.”

“I’ve some new book recommendations for Teddy. If that’s okay.” Sirius offered Remus. He was hoping it would be some olive branch. Plus, there were so many adorable kids books, he was glad to share them with someone new.

“Sure, your last ones were big hits. All around.” Remus typed away in his phone.

“We’re sticking with the ‘knows your mum’?” Sirius wanted to make sure not to mess it up.

“Let’s not get into details yet.” Remus tucked his phone back into his pocket.

Sirius felt hopeful at that. Maybe Remus would still be interested in him one day. That was probably a stretch but he could hope. Not that he should hope. “Sounds good to me.” He nodded before going to the shelves. Sirius grabbed a handful of books that he thought Teddy would like then went over to sit next to the boy. “Hi Teddy, your dad said that you like to read.”

Teddy set the book he had in his hand aside and nodded.

“Well, I picked out those two books your dad brought home the other week. I thought you might like these too.” Sirius held up the pile of books.

The boy’s eyes went wide. “Neat!” He grinned, gazing at the books in Sirius’ hands.

Sirius set the books down right next to Teddy. “Your dad says you want to be a librarian.”

“Sometimes. Sometimes I want to be a teacher. Sometimes I want to be a writer. Sometimes a doctor.”

“You could be all them if you wanted,” Sirius explained to the kid.

“You can do that? Dad never said you could do that!” Teddy complained with a little pout.

“Ha, I’m sure he would tell you when you got a bit older,” Sirius assured Teddy.

“I like you.”

Sirius smiled at Teddy’s genuine comment. Kids were great like that. “Thanks, you’re pretty cool too, Teddy.” He went on to show Teddy each of the books. It wasn’t until he finished that he realized Remus was standing close by watching them.

When he looked up, Remus was wearing a look of awe, almost. Like he didn’t think that Sirius could interact with a child correctly or something. Sirius wanted to ask what it was but he wasn’t going to ask Remus just yet. He worried it really would scare the other man off if he thought about it too much. “I’m cool.” Sirius simply said to the other man.

“You are, I guess. I’m cool too still. I wouldn’t get too excited. When he gets older and I’m the annoying dad, that’s when people can rub it in my face.” Remus laughed as Sirius stood up.

“Did you need any books?” Sirius questioned. He had a list growing for Remus as well.

“No, I’m good for now — sadly. I’m busy with some work so I haven’t had much free time to read for pleasure this week.” Remus shrugged. “Next time, but now we have to get going. We need to get to stop and get some food for the house so I can make you dinner.” He looked past Sirius to his son.

Teddy groaned, “Okay. Can we come back though?”

“Yes, we can come back. Let’s check these out and go to the shops.” Remus gestured to his son to get going. “Thanks, Sirius.”

“No worries. I’ll see you Saturday.”

“Of course.”

***

Remus spent the few days between seeing Sirius in the library and meeting him for tea and coffee agonizing over his feelings. Watching Sirius and Teddy together was strange. Even though he didn’t think too much about dating, when he did he promised himself never to introduce Teddy to anyone he was seeing for at least three months. But he wasn’t seeing Sirius. He just had this —what had to be inappropriate — crush. The crush only grew worse seeing Sirius be so sweet with Teddy. Teddy was wild about him too. His son wouldn’t stop talking about the librarian since leaving the library on Thursday.

Why couldn’t have that meeting just been completely terrible? Not that he wished tears on Teddy but if there was an instance… Couldn’t Sirius have bungled the whole thing? Why did he have to be so damn charming, even with Teddy? Teddy could not stop asking about going back to the library and seeing Sirius now. He should have just taken him to a different branch to begin with.

“All right, Remus?” Sirius smiled at him. He had already commandeered a table in the corner by the window of the coffee shop. There were two mugs on the table, one in front of the empty seat and one in front of Sirius. Remus was running late because he got stuck with Molly gabbing at him when he dropped off Teddy. He had texted Sirius with apologies and Sirius insisted on order his latte so it’d be ready when he got there.

“All right. I’m sorry, again.” Remus took a seat.

“It’s all, don’t forget that I know the Weasley-Prewetts. They’re great but a handful. Especially Molly.” Sirius laughed, running a hand through his silky, black hair. “Teddy’s a doll by the way.”

Remus grinned, “Isn’t he? He can be a handful too but I don’t know what I’d do without him.”

“How does he like his books?”

“He loves them and can’t wait to come back to the library. We’ll be stopping in on Tuesday, I think.” Remus smiled. There was no way he could tell Teddy they couldn’t go back to the library and see Sirius. It made Teddy so happy.

“I honestly didn’t think you’d come back. I probably would have buggered off because I have no balls when it comes to this shite.” Sirius laughed and shook his head.

“I don’t think I normally would either,” Remus said before taking a sip of his coffee. “I just felt like I had to. I’m glad I did.”

“Me too.” The other man smiled. “So, how long have you been back here in good old Blighty?”

“Er, seven, maybe eight months now. It would have been sooner but I had to get everything all settled in Berlin.” Remus explained.

“Would you and Nymphadora stayed there if she didn’t er, get into an accident?”

“No, actually.” Remus shook his head. “Ah, we were going to move back and, ah, we were thinking about having another kid.”

Sirius’ face fell, “I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m sure that means nothing. I promised myself I wouldn’t say that.”

Remus laughed because that was the first time someone said that out loud to him. “No, it means nothing. I know you mean well but it doesn’t exactly fix it all.”

“Thanks for the honesty.” Sirius grinned.

“Ditto,” Remus said with a laugh.

They talked a little more about Nymphadora, Teddy, and the Tonks. Then they went on to other mutual mates like Dorcas, Marlene, and the Potters. They made fun of the Prewett Twins who were perpetually stuck in Uni mode even at thirty. They talked about how adorable Billy and Fleur’s little Victorie was. Remus was surprised how easy their conversation flowed.

“Are you happy about being back in England?” Remus asked after retrieving their second latte.

“Yeah, I was always so unsettled everywhere else. I wish my brother would come back here but the business is based out of Singapore and he’s doing a lot of work.” Sirius said. “My parents were shite and the family ran the company like a horrid little empire, so he’s turning things around.”

“Oh, yeah, Andi was saying that.” He nodded. He didn’t fully understand what they did, something that earned a lot of money.

“I ended up inheriting it even though I was told I was disowned at 16.” Sirius scoffed. “Mummy never actually took care of the paperwork. She always thought I would change my mind.” He frowned.

“I know we barely know one another but I’m glad you didn’t. I heard Black horror stories from the Tonks.”

“We’re the good ones. Did you ever meet Uncle Al?”

“Yes, he was brilliant.” Remus was fond of the man who had passed away three years previous. He was kicked out of the Blacks for being gay. He went on to make millions in tech without any help from his family.

“Good, I’m glad. He left me all most of his money because he felt bad for me.” Sirius said with a laugh.

Remus’ eyes went wide. Nym had been left a sizable amount by the man, as well as Andi and Ted. It was a lot of money but he knew that Al had more. That meant Sirius had to be AT LEAST a millionaire. “Are you the world’s richest librarian?”

“Oh, there’s a very good chance of that.” Sirius made a face. “I never thought of that. Granted, I gave a good chunk of it to various charities. I still have quite a bit. I want to open my bookstore one day but I enjoy the library life at the moment. Plus, I need to settle myself into London properly first.”

So Sirius was probably a billionaire who gave his money away to charities and went on to work in a library and eventually wanted to own a bookshop and he recommended the best books and wanted to share them all with Teddy and was unbelievably sexy? Remus knew that he was never going to be able to get over his feelings. “That’s amazing.”

“I have this image in my brain of being an old man with a shop that also has a little cafe. Me and my husband, who ages wonderfully, have a cat that wanders around and the grandkids visit every Sunday.” Sirius smiled wistfully. That idea sounded lovely.

Remus grinned, watching Sirius. He was in trouble. Very very big trouble. Dora really would have liked this predicament, Andi was right. If it happened to a mate, she’d laugh about it then egg the whole situation on. Remus could only hope that she was doing that in the afterlife now.


	6. Chapter 6

In the two months since Sirius and Remus had coffee, they had become mates. That was all. Sirius couldn’t figure out if Remus would ever want more than that. He also was not about to ask the other man and ruin their friendship. It was a sodding miracle that they had even got this far. The day that he had found out that Remus was married to Nym, was horrifying. The horror was wearing off but there was some guilt that lingered around whenever he was near Remus.

The crush was never going to go away. He had to face the facts. Remus was everything he wanted in a partner. He was sarcastic, handsome, smart, funny, and bloody tall. And he had dimples and his eyes were this wonderful hazel that— all right, it wasn’t all physical. He loved Remus’ mind too. His personality. his freaking soul. On top of it all was Teddy. The most adorable child that made Sirius smile every time he got to be around the kid. Sirius would have this built in little family that he never really thought about having before but he loved the idea.

“What are you staring off in space at?” Lily asked him, making him jump a little.

“Huh?”

“It’s your own birthday and you’re walking around in a melancholy state.” The redheaded woman scoffed.

It was his birthday but he was no in any such state. Okay, maybe just a little bit. Everyone he cared about was there — including Remus and Teddy Lupin. Why couldn’t he have a crush on Benjy? He was nice enough. Kind enough. Handsome enough. But he just was missing something that Remus had. That something one might never put a finger on because it was too difficult to explain.

“Come on, Evans, I’m not in a melancholy state.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m back in London surrounded by my friends and the family who love me and care about me — minus Reggie.” Sirius shrugged.

“It wouldn’t have to do with the fact that you’re completely mad about the editor, would it?” She raised an eyebrow then looked across the room to where Remus was laughing with Dorcas and Marlene.

“He’s a mate.” Sirius said as James walked over to them.

“Mate. The mate that you look at as if he has stars circling his head in some type of ethereal crown.”

“I do not.” His voice betrayed him far too much. He did. He knew he was looking at Remus like he was holding the secrets to the universe.

“Ask him on a date, Sirius. He looks at you the same way.” Lily spoke softly.

“I can’t. Now, excuse me so I can go have fun.”

Sirius went on to enjoy his party and all of his mates. When he was living abroad, he knew that he missed being in London. He didn’t realize how sad that he was without these people though. Sirius forgot the joy of having such close friends. He wasn’t alone when he lived abroad but he didn’t have any best mates. They were just convenient friends who he barely kept in touch with now. He was always in touch with his old mates from Hogwarts.

“Did you have a happy birthday?” Remus asked when he was putting on his coat. Sirius and he had bumped into one another in the hall. Sirius had used the bathroom and was walking out as Remus was coming out of the extra bedroom where the coats were.

“Yes. Very happy.” Sirius grinned at the other man. “Thanks for coming. Teddy too. People I hung about with at Uni and in Singapore would laugh that I had multiple children at my party and it’s ending at 9 pm.”

Remus nodded and smirked, “Party Boy.”

“Just a bit.” Sirius didn’t want to mention that his partying at some points were a problem. He didn’t talk a lot about what his life was like back then to anyone. Remus, James, Lily, Marlene, Andi… they were all a bit in the dark and only James and Andi knew the vaguest details.

“I’m sorry.” Remus said with a frown.

“What?” Sirius laughed.

“Oh, it just, you looked sad after I said you were a party boy. I didn’t mean—”

Sirius scoffed and rolled his eyes upward. Of course Remus could read him like this. “It’s a long story. I know you didn’t mean anything by it.”

“I know, but… I can still be sorry for putting my foot in my mouth.” Remus said softly.

“You’re a ray of sunshine, you know?” Sirius said then bit his lip.

Remus blushed then leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. “I’m an arsehole many days of the week. I’ll see you Tuesday for our usual bi-weekly library visit.” Remus and Teddy stopped into the library every Tuesday and Thursday. Sometimes the brought coffee or tea and baked goods for Sirius.

“Bye, Lupin.” Sirius sighed as he watched the man walk away.

When Remus was out of eye and earshot he groaned and fell back into the wall behind him. Some days he wished that Nym’s ghost would haunt him and tell him to stop felling these ridiculous feelings for Remus — but no such luck. He legitimately had a dream that he was dating Remus once and Nym was there all happy for them. Why couldn’t he feel some displeasure from anyone who knew that he fancied Remus? Everyone was excited that Sirius had feelings for Remus. Andi and Ted encouraged him to ask Remus out for goodness sake.

“Um, you okay, Sirius?” Marlene came down the hallway.

“I’m fine.” He said with his hands over his face.

“What is it?”

“Nothing, just flirting with my cousin’s widow and he kissed me on the cheek.” Sirius answered honestly. He knew Marlene would keep his secrets, she always did.

Marlene grinned, “He did?”

Sirius nodded.

“What are you going to do about it?” Marlene put a hand on his shoulder.

“Well, it’s up to him what to do, I think. He’s the one who lost his life partner.” Sirius complained. “I don’t want to force him into anything.”

“Does he know you like him too? Maybe he’s unsure if you still fancy him after everything that happened.”

“This is a juvenile conversation. But yeah… he should. I haven’t stopped flirting with him since we started this whole mess.” Sirius said feeling a little bit shameful. He hadn’t stopped flirting, even though he wanted to. He turned into some brainless idiot around Remus, though. He wondered how the man even wanted to be his mate.

“Well, if he knows, he probably needs some time. I do not doubt that he feels the same way.”

Sirius couldn’t understand how she could be so confident about her statement.

***

Marlene did know that Remus felt the same way, only because Remus spent enough time around Dorcas complaining about his feelings. For instance, on Saturday night following Remus’ birthday was one of those many times. Teddy was staying at his parents so Remus decided to go out for drinks with Dorcas. Remus didn’t know that Dorcas would take all of these complaints back to Marlene.

“What the hell is wrong with me?” Remus complained after telling Dorcas what happened the night of Sirius’ birthday. He hadn’t seen her all week and didn’t want to have this conversation via text message.

“You’ve feelings for him and decided to kiss him on the cheek because you’re a quote, unquote, ray of sunshine.” Dorcas laughed at his friend’s anguish.

“You know, Andi asked if Sirius can join our Sunday meal from now on?” Remus took a long drink of his beer. “She said that she and Ted are doing date nights on Fridays and since she’s busy at work the rest of the week doesn’t work for Sirius.”

Dorcas laughed, “You think she’s setting you up to spend time with him?”

“I know she is!” He threw his hands up.

“How do you know? She’s some fancy barrister who’s very well respected. I’m sure that Andi is busy with work. Plus, I would personally hate having to host two dinners or lunches every week when I could do one because the two people get on.” Dorcas reasoned with the man.

“I don’t buy it.”

***

Remus was still not buying it the next afternoon when he got to the Tonks’ home. Teddy had been dropped off by his parents earlier in the day on their way to some farmer’s market. He was personally trying to work his way through a hangover so it wasn’t a surprise what he didn’t notice Sirius walking up behind him as he made his way up the path.

“Hiya, Lupin!”

“Ah, god, hi, Sirius.” Remus pushed the sunnies up his nose then squinted at Sirius. “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Are you hungover?” Sirius asked with a raised eyebrow. He was far too bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at the moment. Remus hated him. Not really, he thought it was sweet.

“Yes. Blame Dorcas. She took me out and we ended up meeting up with Fab and Gid. Frank Longbottom and his wife Alice were there too.” Remus rubbed his forehead.

“I see. Where’s the mini at?”

“He’s here already. My parents had him for the night and dropped him off at some point this morning. Pray for me to make it through lunch.”

“Ha, I will.” Sirius opened the front door. “Why don’t you have some tea?”

“I think I might.” Remus said as Teddy came barreling down the hall. “Hey, kid!”

Instead go going for Remus, he went straight for Sirius. He wrapped his arms around the man’s legs. Teddy let out a squeal of delight when Sirius bent down and picked him up. “Hello sprog, how are you?”

“Good! Daddy, did you tell Sirius that I finished all the books?”

“No, he just got here too.” Remus informed his son as Sirius set Teddy back down. “He finished all the books.”

“Kid, you’re going to finish the entire children’s area by New Year at this rate.” Sirius ruffled Teddy’s hair as Remus began to walk down the hall to the sitting room where Ted and Andi were.

“I am not going to! There are too many books. You said I could read all the books.”

“You can read all the books.” Sirius assured Teddy.

Whenever Remus watched Teddy and Sirius interact, he felt like he wanted to watch it all the time. They just got on perfectly. Teddy was not exactly shy but it normally took him a bit to warm up to people. Teddy warmed up to Sirius right away. When he watched them, he couldn’t help but thinking about all the domestic situations that Remus wanted. He thought of all the Sunday morning breakfasts before getting ready for lunch with the Tonks. Or the rainy evenings after work and school spent in the living room with books or watching the telly. He thought about Sirius building lego villages with Teddy as Remus did a crossword.

Remus desperately wished that he could do what it seemed Dorcas and the Tonks thought he should do but he just couldn’t yet. In the back of his head he still worried that it was just wrong. But god, all he wanted to do was wrap himself around Sirius and kiss him for about twelve hours. One day he would be able to manage to silence any doubts he had in his had. He hoped he could, at least.

“Hi, Remus, how was your night?” Andi asked with a knowing look as he slipped his sunglasses into the pocket of his coat.

“Fine. It was nice to go out.” Remus kissed her on the cheek then shook Ted’s hand.

“Did you join him Sirius?” Ted questioned.

“No, I stayed in last night. I don’t go out much.” Sirius shrugged as Teddy went over to Ted.

“Train?”

“Train, yeah.” Ted laughed, standing up. “Sorry, we’ve things to build.”

“Oh, you should join Remus and the others. I think it’d be nice. They don’t go out all the time. Only every so often, isn’t that right?” Andi asked as Teddy and his grandfather left the room.

“Maybe next time.” Sirius nodded.

“Yeah, maybe.”

Andi spent most of the lunch trying to drop subtle hints of all the things that Remus and Sirius had in common. She also mentioned about five times that Sirius was great with Teddy. Remus knew she meant well but it wasn’t going to help him make any decision any sooner.


	7. Chapter 7

“I started reading them when I was at Uni. I was lonely in a foreign country and feeling down. Something about Charlotte and everyone and everything Godric’s Hollow and beyond just was so gripping. It was like falling into a warm bed on a cold night whenever I picked them up. I breezed right through the books so quickly and couldn’t wait to get more.”

Remus was watching Sirius gush to his mother about her books. He had seen his fair share of fans do something like this but he hadn’t expected Sirius to go into full fan mode. Especially at the Potter’s New Year’s Eve bash at their estate in the country. Normally Sirius was generally calm, cool, and collected — even if a bit swotty at times. Remus wondered if he should have been embarrassed for the man but his mother was eating it up.

“Thank you, Sirius. Remus, you never told me how lovely Sirius is. How come we’re just being introduced now?” She lectured her son.

“Oh, I don’t know.” Remus didn’t want to say anything about how he avoided them meeting because he was afraid that his mother would end up wanting to set them up like Dorcas and Andi seemed to be attempting. He could only handle so many knowing looks.

“You’re a librarian, right?” Hope asked Sirius.

“Yes,” Sirius nodded with a big smile.

“Good, the Lupins love books. You should come to Lyall’s and my home one day. You’ll be like Teddy or Remus in a sweetshop.” Hope said then looked to Remus. “Why don’t you bring Sirius by for dinner sometime next week?”

“Mum, we’re — you do realize that we’re not dating.” Remus was getting the impression that she didn’t understand this little detail. She was talking as if they were a couple.

“Oh,” She her face dropped. Clearly, Remus was right about her assumption by the look on her face. “I apologize. I just thought — Teddy talks about him so much.”

Sirius’ cheeks pinked, “No, I’m sorry. I’m not dating your son.”

“We’re just mates.” Remus reiterated.

“Well, you’d make a handsome couple. Plus, Teddy does love you.” Remus’ mum said.

“Excuse me, I’m out of alcohol.” Remus looked at his empty glass then nodded to his mum and Sirius. He left the two to continue the conversation and went for the Potter’s bar.

Before leaving for Berlin, and when he visited in the time in between, he had been to the Potter’s place a few times. Every time he swore it got more beautiful, larger, and filled more with people. The Potters, Effie and Monty in particular, loved people. Not that James hated people, but Effie and Monty seemed to make it an art of collecting interesting people. Remus liked it. He was glad that he was collected, even if it was because of Tonks mostly. Then his mum and Effie got on.

There were many times in his life since Dora passed, that he wondered what they would be doing in whatever situation he was in. Tonight was one of those nights, as were many of them over the holiday. It was his second holiday season without her, and it wasn’t any easier. He did try his best to be in the moment and not to spend his whole time thinking about her but he couldn’t help it. Remus knew she’d be making fun of half the people here. Too many of them were too rich — even though she had her own sizable fortune thanks to Al. Nym would have made Remus dance at least three times by now because of the music selection. She would have played games with the kids.

Even thinking about Nym managed to make him think about Sirius. Sirius had been making all the little ones laugh earlier in the evening. He told Remus a joke about some lady who was wearing the ugliest coat known to man. He had spun around when a song he liked came on. It wasn’t that Sirius was Nym or that Remus was even trying to compare. But those things brought a smile to his face. Especially when he was joking with the kids. Remus had this sense of comfort watching the librarian giggle with the kids.

“Your son is passed out on the sofa.” Sirius informed him about an hour after he had been talking to Hope. Remus was currently chatting with Gid, Dorcas, and Mary.

“Like father, like son. Remus can sleep anywhere.” Dorcas laughed. “One time at Uni I found him passed out in the bushes.”

“Were you drunk?” Sirius furrowed his brow.

“No, I lost my key and no one was answering their phones. I was bloody tired from revising.” Remus shook his head.

“Amazing!” Sirius chuckled

“What sofa is he on? I’ll bring him home.”

“No, bring him upstairs. There’s plenty of places for him to sleep until you head up.” Sirius insisted. “Come on, I’ll show you.”

“Thanks.” Remus was glad at that. He really didn’t want to go home yet. He was having a good time, even if he was thinking of Nym. If he went home he’d be sitting on the sofa thinking about her all night.

Sirius showed him where Teddy was fast asleep. Harry, Ron, Hermonie, Ginny, Luna, and Neville were all being noisy as they play some video game. Teddy seemed unbothered by that. He was also unbothered when Sirius picked him up.

“I’ll take him.” Remus went to reach for his son.

“It’s okay, I got him. I never got to carry a sleepy Harry to bed as a good Godfather should. I’m making up for it.” Sirius carefully gathered Teddy in his arms.

Remus thought his heart was going to burst when Teddy wrapped his arms around Sirius’ neck and cuddled up against him. Why did Sirius have to be like this? Why was he so good?

“Okay. Where can he sleep?” Remus decided to press on.

“This way.” Sirius said then began to make his way through the house. They wove their way through rooms full of people. Dorcas caught his eye from across the sitting room but Remus decided to ignore her. He didn’t want her to say or do anything that would make it seem like Sirius showing him where Teddy could sleep anything more than it was.

Eventually, they made it to the stairs that Remus had never been up. In the times he had been to the Potters, he only saw the bottom floor, which was huge and he was sure he hadn’t seen all of it. The upstairs was a lot like the downstairs. There were so many antiques but also homey touches of photos of the family. Not too far from the staircase, Sirius stopped and opened a door on the left.

Inside was a room with two small beds, a crib, and a rocking chair. In the rocking chair was Fleur with Dominque. Domi was only a month old now. Fleur was holding the baby in her arms and singing to her softly in French. “Oh, sorry, Fleur.” Sirius said softly.

“It’s all right.” She smiled. “I’m not feeling much for parties tonight.”

“Do you mind if Teddy has a kip here?” Sirius asked her as Remus hovered in the doorway. He felt like something was tugging at his heartstrings as he watched Sirius with Teddy.

“No, go ahead. I’ll probably end up asleep in here tonight.” She chuckled. “I’ll find you if he wakes up, Remus.”

“Thank you.”

“Enjoy your night, I’m very happy to stay with the children tonight.” Fleur said, rocking slowly in the chair as Sirius set Teddy into the bed closest the door.

“I feel bad.”

“Don’t, Remus.” She shook her head. “I’m very tired from having been up all night last night with Domi last night but I know that Bill is having fun. I like it in here too.”

“Okay,” Remus nodded, feeling a little reluctant but at the same time he wanted to continue to spend some time at the party. He wasn’t ready to go home and think about Dora.

After kissing Teddy on the forehead, Remus and Sirius left the room. “So, can I get a tour of this floor?”

“Sure, I spent nearly every holiday here between twelve and eighteen.” Sirius explained. “The Potters brought me up.”

“They did a good job.” Remus commented as Sirius stopped in front of the next room.

“If it weren’t for them, I’d hate who I am, I have no doubt. So, this room here is the first guest room.” Sirius explained.

There were so many rooms that it made Remus’ head spin a little. By the time they made it all the way down one side, and up another, it was getting close to midnight. It didn’t help that Sirius and Remus got off topic and spent ages chatting about random things. “We should get downstairs.”

“Yeah, let’s.” Remus looked at his watch.

“Remus, ah, could I — would you be my kiss at midnight?” Sirius asked, looking at his feet as they made their way down the stairs.

“Er, um, yeah.” Remus rubbed his neck. “That would be — yeah — okay.”

He should have said no, he thought as they got to the bottom of the stairs. He knew everyone was going to see and make a big deal of it all. But god, he just wanted to kiss Sirius. If there was any excuse to kiss the man then this was it. So, he was going to hope that everyone else would be too wrapped up in their kisses, then they wouldn’t notice.

“Brilliant.” Sirius smiled. “I’ve never had a midnight kiss.” Sirius disclosed to him, grabbing two flutes of champagne as they passed a waiter carrying a tray.

“Really? Oh, well, now I have a lot to live up to.”

“I’m sure you’ll be just fine.” Sirius laughed as the countdown began.

“..3, 2, 1, Happy New Year!”

Remus took a deep breath then leaned in, resting his free hand on Sirius’ shoulder. The other man’s arm twined around his waist as their lips met. Remus felt a rush of what seemed like electricity run through him. This wasn’t his first kiss since Nym passed. He had shagged someone in a fit of despair one night when he got back to London. This was a much better kiss than any of those that night. Remus didn’t want the kiss to end but he could feel that they were the only ones in their general area still snogging.

“Happy New Year.” Remus finally pulled away from Sirius, his lips tingling.

“Happy New Year. This is going to be a good year.” Sirius took a took breath.

“Yeah,” Remus nodded. “Yes.”

He was screwed.

***

  
The morning of the first day of the New Year, Sirius found himself sighing as he looked out over the Potter’s gardens from the sunroom. He was the first one awake in the house, outside of Effie. His mind was of course on the kiss with Remus the night before. It was more than just a polite peck, there was something else there. Something that he wanted to hold on to as long as he could.

“What are you thinking about?” James asked, coming into the sunroom with a coffee in his hands.

“Remus Lupin.” Sirius admitted to his best mate.

“Hmm, like usual these days, eh?”

“James, it’s horrible. I should not be this interested in him. I thought I’d get over it.”

“Well, that kiss didn’t look like you were getting over anything. Looked like you were about to get under him.” James scoffed then did a weird thing with his eyebrows.

“You saw?” Sirius scrunched up his face. “I thought we were in the area away from most of the people who would give me any shite.”

“No, way mate, most of us saw.”

“Ugh.” Sirius put his head down on the table. “Great, excellent. James, I’ve never wanted anyone so bad in my life.”

“Is it because you can’t have him?”

Sirius shook his head, “No, not at all. I just want him. I wanted him from the start like this. I think he wants me too.”

“But the whole Nymphadora thing?”

“Yep.” Sirius rubbed his eyes. “I can’t believe this. Every time I think about the situation I want to laugh and cry at the same time. There are how many men in the world and I end up with falling for this one?”

“Well, Sirius, if last night’s kiss is any indication, I think Remus might be coming around to the idea of dating you.” James took a sip of his coffee.

Sirius hoped that James was right. The man could be completely oblivious for the most part, so if he was seeing it, maybe it was there.


	8. Chapter 8

“What is wrong with you?” Dorcas complained, throwing a chip at him and hitting him square in the chin. They were having lunch on Remus’ break about a week after the New Year. Remus was trying very hard not to think of the Potter’s party but every so often his mind would drift back to the night.

“Huh? Nothing.” Remus wiped his hand over his chin, where the chip hit him.

“Don’t look like nothing, mate.”

“I’m just — nothing.” He waved a hand.

“Is it the kiss? Still thinking about that?” Dorcas whistled. “That was some snog. I thought you two were going to need to get a room if I’m being honest. Wow. I’m not even into guys but that was hot.”

Remus felt his cheeks burning. He tried hard to suppress the memory of Sirius’ lips on his. The feeling of his arm wrapped around him. The emptiness he felt when the other man pulled back. He wanted Sirius, badly, it seemed. Except he was still having trouble getting over his mental obstacles.

Why couldn’t he have been a bad kisser? Now he just had one more thing to add to the pile that was Sirius’ attractiveness and brilliance. First, on the base level he was bloody hot and he was a good kisser. Second, he was rich - filthy rich. But he gave a large sum of money away. Next, the man was well read and smart. He made wonderful book recommendations and he wanted to open his bookshop Then, he got on swimmingly with Teddy. The cherry on top was that he was unbelievably kind with a great sense of humor. Where were his terrible flaws?

Something had happened in Sirius’ past with his family. He seemed to have dealt with things in not the best way but Remus wasn’t sure what that meant. But he also seemed to have dealt with it and was living his life happily now.

“Look, Sirius is lovesick and completely smitten with you. You’re feeling the same way about him. Can’t you… why don’t you go on one date. See what happens and how you feel after it all.”

“I know, I know.”

“I think you need to get over whatever is holding you back. You need to let yourself be happy.”

Instead of being mad and annoyed any longer, Remus decided he needed to try. He had to give it a go. He was getting sick of his own complaining, he was sure that Dorcas wanted to kill him. Sirius fancied him, it was obvious. There wasn’t a person he cared about that had any objection to a romantic relationship. The only thing holding him back was his memories of Dora.

So, he decided to stop by the library on his way to get Teddy that day. As Remus walked in, he felt his heart beating a bit too fast in his chest. He couldn’t remember the last time he was this nervous. He knew that Sirius would say yes. That could have been part of the problem though. Remus was still looking for a way out. Some clue that Sirius wasn’t what he wanted and needed.

“Remus! Hey, where’s the little one?” Sirius greeted him. He was near the desk arranging a display of self-help books.

“Still at school. I’m on my way to get him. I, ah, I didn’t fancy taking him with me to ask you to dinner.” Remus bit his lip.

Sirius’ eyes went wide. “Dinner as in…”

“As in, a date. Of sorts. I guess.”

“You — yes. I would love to get dinner.” Sirius was holding on to the book entitled The Power of Now. Remus thought the title was very appropriate for the moment.

“Brilliant.” Remus nodded. “What are you doing on Friday?”

“Ah, getting dinner with you.” Sirius grinned at him.

“Excellent. I’m sorry that I—”

“Remus, you have nothing to be sorry for.” The librarian waved a hand then set his book down. “I understand why you were waiting. I was waiting too. I didn’t know what to do because I really like you, Remus. I have since you walked in here the first day.”

“Good,” Remus leaned in and kissed Sirius quickly. “I need to go get Teddy. But I’ll text you. Do you care where we go?”

“No, you choose,” Sirius said. “Tell Teddy I say hello.”

“I will. We’ll see you tomorrow. Just, let’s not tell him about this yet.” Remus didn’t want it not to work out then have Teddy heartbroken.

“That’s a good plan.”

“Okay, bye,” Remus said once more then went to leave.

“Bye, Remus,” Sirius called after him.

“Told you it would happen eventually!” Remus heard Em say as he walked through the front doors.

As he walked towards Teddy’s school, Remus thought he should have felt more excited. He was finally going on a date with Sirius. He had been pining after him for months. Before knowing who he was, Remus was positive that he might eventually give dating him a try. Now, he was trying but it was a completely different situation. Remus hoped whatever he was waiting for inside him to click and change would do it before their date on Friday night.

“Daddy!” Teddy yelled as Remus got to the school gate.

“Hello, love.”

“Library today?” He asked excitedly.

“No, you know we only go on Tuesday and Thursdays.” Remus shook his head.

“Fine.” His son let out the longest sigh. “I miss Sirius.”

“You saw him yesterday.” Remus laughed at his son as they began to walk.

“Daddy, can Sirius be my new dad? I like him a lot.” Teddy said, looking up at him with a pout.

Remus ruffled Teddy’s curls. “Ted, you’d want that?”

“Yeah!”

“It’s not that easy.”

“But I thought you loved him. I heard you tell Auntie Dori that. People who love each other get married. If you get married he’d be my dad too.”

Remus’ heart sank. He thought Teddy had been sleeping whenever he brought Sirius up when the kid was in the same building as him. “I love him like I love — like I love your Auntie Dori or Marlene or Grandma or—”

“Oh.” Teddy frowned. “Okay. But I think you should love Sirius like you loved Mummy.”

“You do, huh?” Remus squeezed his son’s hand.

“Mummy would like Sirius.”

“She would.” Remus sighed. She did love Sirius. Remus hoped Andi and everyone else was right. He was never going to know what Dora would think for sure. He would have to believe.

***

Sirius arrived at the restaurant not too far from Remus’ flat. He was so happy that Remus was finally ready to take this step. He knew that he would never be able to understand how Remus was feeling. Sirius struggled with his guilt of falling in love with Remus. It had to be different and probably worse for Remus.

“Sirius, hi,” Remus said as he sat down across from him. “I’m sorry, my mum wouldn't stop talking to me.”

“Does she know you’re going on a date?” Sirius laughed. He loved Hope, and not just because she wrote some of his favorite books. She seemed like a good person. Plus, she brought up Remus who was the most brilliant person he’d ever had the pleasure to be around.

“No, I decided not to tell her.” Remus picked up the menu. “It’s not that I don’t want anyone to know we’re dating. I just — I wanted to make sure that I can do this.”

“It’s okay, I understand.” Sirius nodded, feeling a bit anxious. He knew that there wasn’t much he could do to change Remus’ feelings. The man was either going to be able to get past the guilt or not. “So, how was your day?”

“Rather brilliant.” Remus relaxed a little across from him, leaning back in his seat. “I was looking forward to this. I mean, I’ve been looking forward to this for months actually.”

“Me too.” Sirius smiled at him as the waiter came over. They ordered a couple of glasses of wine and Sirius suggested an appetizer before they were left alone again.

They spent the next few hours talking and eating and laughing. It wasn’t much different from their other times together but it was because they were alone. It felt right, though. It felt like they were meant to be together, especially after all of the anxiety melted away. Sirius wondered what the next steps were going to be for them. They had to work things out with Teddy and the rest of the family. But Sirius was ready for it.

“Do you want to come over and watch a movie? I haven’t seen The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society and since you’ve made me read it, I’ve wanted to see the movie.” Remus asked.

Sirius just nodded and soon they were off to Remus’ flat. They held hands the whole walk, only letting go when Remus had to dig his keys out of his pocket. It had been a very long time since Sirius had been on a proper date. This was a very proper date, dinner and a movie.

They settled in on the sofa after Remus brought out some pillows and blankets. Sirius was in charge of bringing the movie up on the telly. Sirius wanted to do this all the time. He hoped that it wouldn’t fall out of his grasp.

About halfway through, Sirius was practically in Remus’ lap. He was resting his head on Remus’ shoulder and the other man's arms were wrapped around him. “Normally changes from books to film make me barmy but I don’t hate this. I mean, I like the depth of the relationships in the book but this is fine.” Remus said.

“Sometimes I think about how I want to go live on Guernsey, away from everything.” Sirius smiled.

“You could open your bookshop there.” Remus spoke as his thumb rubbed a sliver of skin where Sirius’ shirt had ridden up.

“That’d be brilliant.” Sirius wondered if Remus would like to join him for it.

They continued to watch the movie and when Juliet and Dawsey finally get together in the end, Remus turned his head to Sirius with a smile. “You know, there is a power in books.”

“So, you think that books do have the power to bring people together?”

“Books brought us together, didn’t they?” Remus said before leaning in and kissing Sirius.

As the movie came to an end, Sirius moved to straddle Remus instead of straining his neck to kiss him. He dreamed about kissing Remus for months now, just like this. He dreamed about Remus’ large hands on his arse and his body against Sirius’. He wanted to do this all the time but that would probably be a bit ridiculous. But it would be lovely.

Sirius wished his brain and body thought it was lovely when Remus’ hand wander from his arse to his crotch. He nipped Remus’ lip then pulled back. “Remus, ah, I’m—”

“Sorry, too fast.” Remus moved his hands up to his waist.

“Oh, no, it’s, well yes… it is too fast but it’s okay. I’m demisexual.”

“Oh! Sirius, sorry.” Remus removed his hands completely and Sirius’ heart sank.

“You can touch me, I want you to touch me just not where your hand was just going,” Sirius explained. “I love kissing and making out. I just not into shagging a lot, especially when we haven’t been dating. It takes a bit for me to get comfortable.”

“Okay, so, what do you want to do now?”

“I want you to kiss me a bit more if that’s all right with you.” Sirius brushed his lips against Remus’.

“I can do that,” Remus said before leaning in but instead of kissing Sirius’ lips, he kissed down his neck then but up his jaw.

Sirius smiled, closing his eyes and let himself be kissed. Everything else didn’t matter.


	9. Chapter 9

For the next two months, Remus and Sirius went on multiple dates. Sirius even came over and spent time with Teddy. They still had not told anyone they were dating, even Teddy. Everyone was still under the assumption that they were just friends. Sirius couldn’t understand how they all believed the lies Remus made up when he was looking for people to watch Teddy on their date nights.

Things were comfortable but Sirius was ready to move past this (what basically was an) affair they were having. He wanted everyone to know that he and Remus were a couple. He wanted to be able to hold his hand around their friends and family. He wanted to be able to dance with him if they were at an event — like Ted and Andi’s anniversary that was coming up in a week. Remus kept hesitating to do that though.

One Friday, Remus texted Sirius asking him if he could possibly pick Teddy up from school then drop him at Andi’s because he wasn’t feeling well. Sirius said of course and he was able to leave work early because he gave Minnie a great sob story. Not that it mattered if he was fired or not, maybe it would actually spur him on to open up that bookstore.

When he arrived at the school, he found that he was authorized to pick the boy up. “So, kiddo,” Sirius said once he was walking out the door with Teddy’s hand on his. “How about we get something sweet to eat? Then we can go to the library and pick out a book for your dad before heading to your grandparent’s house.”

“Okay.” Teddy said with an eager nod. “Daddy’s sad, I think.”

Sirius frowned, “Why’s that?”

“Mummy died two years ago.”

Sirius’ heart sank. How could he not know that’s why Remus wasn’t feeling ‘well’? That was something that was important. Sirius should know about all that. Remus knew all about his past and struggle with substance abuse and all that internalized hate he had from his parents. Sirius thought this simple fact should have been something that he knew about.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. You’ll be with Daddy, right? When I’m not there.” Teddy questioned him.

“Yes, love, I’ll be there.” Sirius said. He was going to be there because there was no way he would leave Remus alone all night. “So, sweets, books, and then grandparents.”

“Yes!” Teddy said excitedly. “Please!”

Once Teddy was safe and sound with Andi and Ted, who were also down but said they loved Teddy’s company, Sirius headed to Remus’ flat. He spent about four minutes knocking on the door and calling Remus before the other man opened the door. When Remus did, he was in his sweatpants and an old shirt. His eyes were red from crying and he just looked tired.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sirius asked, brushing past the other man to come into the flat. “I could have taken the day.”

“And sat around with me being miserable?”

“Yes.” Sirius said like it was a mad thing to ask. To him, it was. He loved Remus, of course he would sit around with him moping. Not that he’s told the other man he loved him yet. He was waiting for the other man to say it first because he was letting Remus take control.

“You’re daft.”

“You’re daft.” Sirius said, going into the kitchen. “I’m making you tea. Teddy picked out a book for you but I thought you should get it from him. It’s very sweet.”

“Right.” Remus trailed behind him. “Sirius, you’re too good to me.”

“Hardly,” Sirius snorted as he went to fill the kettle.

“Sirius — I — I don’t think I can do this anymore.” Remus said, his voice quivering.

Sirius furrowed his brow. He couldn’t possibly have heard what he thought he did. This had to be because of what day it was. “Remus, I think you’re not thinking rationally.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Please, Remus, think about this another time. Right now, let’s get through tonight.” Sirius pleaded as he clicked the kettle on. He didn’t want to deal with this. He knew that Remus was overreacting. Not that his feelings were invalid, but he was sure whatever he was feeling about their relationship was being amplified.

“Sirius, we really shouldn’t be doing this.” Remus shook his head as Sirius finally looked at him. “Please, just… I’m glad you stopped by and thank so much for getting Teddy but I think that you should go.”

“I love you, you know?” Sirius said because he couldn’t hold it back any longer. If it was going to end, then he needed to be put out there.

Remus just nodded.

“I’ll leave, if that’s what you need and want right now but, I’m here Remus. If you want to be my mate, that’s fine. I’ll survive. But I think that it’s not what you want.”

“How do you know what I want?” Remus raised an eyebrow.

“Because I love you and you love me and I get you. I do, even if you don’t think that I do or vice versa.” Sirius explained.

“I do want you to leave.” Remus swallowed thickly. “Thank you for picking up Teddy and — thank you for being you. It’s just, I don’t think, I don’t know if I can really do this. Not just with you but with anyone.”

“Just to let you know, I’d stay and fight with you but I don’t think you need that right now. So, I’ll go. As long as you’ll be okay.”

“I’ll be fine.” Remus said.

“Okay.”

Sirius didn’t believe him but he wasn’t going to push it. He knew that he wouldn’t get anywhere with Remus right now. He needed to give the other man some space and hope that he would turn it around. No matter how heartbreaking that was.

After leaving Remus’ flat, he went right over to James and Lily’s because he needed to talk to someone about it. Thankfully they were home and Harry was off with the Weasley’s. “You look like shite.”

“Well, Remus broke up with me.” He said as he took a seat next to Lily on the sofa.

“What? You were dating?” James said with a scrunched up face. “Since when?”

Lily laughed, “Let me guess, since after the New Year.” Lily suggested.

Sirius nodded, “We were trying it out. I thought it was going well but he was still hesitating. We didn’t want to tell Teddy or anyone until we were sure. I guess he wasn’t sure.”

“Oh, love, I’m sorry.” Lily put his arm around his shoulders as James paced.

“Is it because of Nymphadora. It’s been two years today, hasn’t it?”

Sirius nodded.

“Well, you’re meant to be together. I can feel it. Look at the timeline, you both just happened to move back here within months of one another? He happened to go to your library? Your lives happen to be so woven together? He needs to see it.”

“I don’t think he wants to.” Sirius rested his head on Lily’s.

“He will.” James said with certainty. “He’s got to.”

***

It had been just over a week since Remus had broken up with Sirius. Were they even together, though? Of course they were, that was a dumb thing to ask. They did everything a couple would do. They just weren’t out with it to anyone. Not even Teddy. Remus knew that he only broke up with Sirius because of the emotions of that day. He knew he made a big mistake when Sirius walked out the door.

“Tomorrow is Grandma and Grandpa’s anniversary. So, they’re having a big party and we’re going to dance and eat lots of food and have fun.” He explained to Teddy as he tucked him in the night before the party.

“Is Sirius going to be there?”

Remus frowned and bit his lip. “I assume so.”

“Why hasn’t he come over to see me? Why haven’t we gone to the library?” Teddy complained. Remus knew that this was hurting his son too. He knew this would happen to begin with. But being with Sirius for those two months were almost blissful.

“Sirius, he’s been very busy. We have been too. You’ll see him tomorrow.” Remus assured his son.

“Okay.” Teddy pouted. “Can he come over to play again soon?”

“I — yes, yeah.” Remus said. Even if they weren’t together, he needed to let Teddy see Sirius. They had a bond that Remus couldn’t let be broken because he couldn’t move past his guilt of falling in love with Sirius. “We can make sure he comes over.”

“Okay. I think he’ll be a good Daddy.”

Remus wasn’t sure what to say so he just picked up a book.

***

The next day, Remus found himself in a fancy room filled with Andi and Ted’s friends and family. Teddy was off playing with the kids, after visiting with Sirius of course. Remus was sitting at a table with Marlene, Dorcas, and his parents who were all talking. He was staring off into space.

“What is wrong with you?” Andi asked, coming over to them. “You look miserable. This is meant to be a happy occasion.” She took the empty seat next to Remus.

“It’s nothing.” Remus shook his head.

“Remus, you need to let yourself be happy.” Andi said firmly. “Dora would hate it if you were a miserable prick for the rest of your life. Please,… be happy.” She pleaded with him.

Remus looked up at her.

“James told Effie and she told me. Two months, my god, no wonder you were so happy after the New Year and now so miserable this last week.” She laughed.

“Really, you could tell the difference?”

“Yes, and I had no idea what that was all about. I’m glad it had to do with Sirius.”

“What had to do with Sirius?” Dorcas asked as her conversation with his parents and Marlene came to an end.

“I’m in love with Sirius.” Remus said out loud for the first time. “And I’m an idiot.”

“That you are.” Dorcas laughed.

“God, that’s why he’s been so sad this week. Lupin, please, put him out of his misery. Kiss the bloke.”

“He already has, multiple times. They were dating.” Andi informed them all.

“What? You still haven’t brought him over for dinner!” His mum lectured.

Remus rubbed his forehead. “She would want this.”

“She probably wants to come down here and yell at you for mucking it up.” Andi said. “Go on, ask him to dance.” She said a cover as Can’t Help Falling In Love With You came on. “Stop being miserable, Remus. You don’t have to be.”

Remus took a deep breath and stood up. He walked over to where Sirius was talking to the Prewett twins. Sirius looked at him, as if he was startled to see him standing there. “Sirius, ah, would you like to dance?”

Sirius gaped at him for a second the nodded, “Very much so.”

“Good,” Remus sighed, holding out his hand for Sirius to take hold of.

They went out to the dance floor that was filled with happy couples swaying. Sirius draped his arms over Remus’ shoulders and then put his forehead against’ Remus’ chest. “You’re not going to tell me that this isn’t going to work, are you? You’re going to tell me that we can do this, right?”

“We can do this.” Remus whispered and kissed the top of Sirius’ head. “I love you too, you know? I was just so afraid. I’m still a bit afraid but, I’ll get over it. It’s gotten much easier in the last few months. I know I was just overly emotional the other day.”

“I knew you were too. I shouldn’t haven’t left.” Sirius lifted his head up to look at him.

“No, you did the right thing. I’m too stubborn, you wouldn’t have changed my mind.” Remus chuckled. “Teddy misses you so much and it’s only been a week.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I should have brought him to the library but I was just so nervous and I didn’t know what I wanted or what I should have done.”

“Well, we’ll spend enough time together now.” Sirius said with a grin.

“So, everyone knows now.”

“They do?” Remus asked. “Let’s make sure.”

Sirius grinned before Remus leaned in and kissed him soundly. It felt good to let himself have what he wanted completely.


	10. Epilogue

_Three Years Later…_

“Can I have that?” Teddy looked at the chocolate tart behind the glass with sad eyes.

“It’s not even lunchtime yet.” Sirius scoffed at his son. He swore, Remus and Teddy’s teeth would fall out with all the chocolate that they ate.

“But Papa, I could have it with my lunch.”

“Are you a paying customer?” Sirius raised an eyebrow.

Teddy just rolled his eyes. “I told Dad that I thought you’d be a good father because you’d let me eat sweets all the time and give me books.”

“I’ll give you all the books that you want, but you’re not getting that tart.” Sirius laughed as someone come to the cash wrap with a few books in their hands. “Hi there, did you find everything?”

“Yes, thanks so much. This is the cutest little place.” The woman said with a grin. “How long have you been open?”

“Just a week now.” Sirius explained as the bell rang, letting him know someone had come in. He glanced over to see his husband walking in with a box.

“Well, it’s just darling in here. I’ll tell all my friends.” The customer grinned, taking out her wallet. “I’ll also get that chocolate tart and a chai tea.”

“Brilliant.” Sirius said and he heard Teddy groan.

In the three years since Sirius and Remus officially got together, their lives were full of love and joy. Of course they had little rows here and there but life was good. They got married, Sirius adopted Teddy, and they were looking into adopting another child. On top of that, Sirius finally left the library and opened the little store of his dreams. Plus, Remus didn’t have any doubt, he hadn’t for a very long time.

“Thanks for coming in.” He said to the woman before she left with her books, tea, and tart.

“I’ll be back, I’m sure.”

Remus was now behind the cash wrap with him, and Teddy had gone off to find a new book to read. “Hi, love.” Remus kissed him quickly.

“Hi, what do you have there?” Sirius peered into the box.

“Advance copies of the final Charlotte Knocks book.” Remus held up the hardcover book.

“Oh my god! Your mother is brilliant.” Sirius snatched the book out of his hand. “I know what I’m doing tonight.”

“These are to sell, you know?” Remus said with an eye roll.

“You know she gave them to me because she loves me.”

“She gave them to me because she wants us to put them out to sell.” Remus looped his fingers through Sirius’ belt loops and pulled him over.

“I love you, you know?”

“Good, because I still love you.” Remus kissed him languidly but the broke apart when the bell rang.

“Christ, you’re still like a couple of newlyweds.” Marlene rolled her eyes and Dorcas laughed.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m craving that chocolate peanut butter cookie that Moony makes.” Dorcas rubbed her ever growing pregnant belly. “She knows her Uncle Remus bakes the best.”

“He does!” Teddy said loudly, coming out from behind the stacks.

Sirius looked at his friends and family and sighed. He couldn’t believe how lucky he had become. How they ended up here wasn’t easy, nor was it happy but they could be happy now.


End file.
